


I'm Not a Robot

by Celebrate_the_irony



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Dennis is drunk, M/M, Mac is tired let him rest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:25:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9413732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celebrate_the_irony/pseuds/Celebrate_the_irony
Summary: “You’re gay now. And you don’t think I wanna know? And you want to be gay with Douchey McFloppyfringe who’s only using you for free drinks which like that’s so wrong.” Dennis said as though he had any right to be morally superior.Or Dennis is drunk and jealous, what a combination.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Um so i wanted to try writing iasip fic, idk if it's any good or in character but here ya go. 
> 
> Don't ask me when this is set because I don't know, I just don't know

Mac didn’t even think it was that big of a deal. Lots of dudes flirt with him, Mac may be in denial but he’s not stupid, he can recognise when someone’s coming onto him. And sure sometimes he flirts back, it never goes anywhere, Mac always wimps out at the last second. But, yeah, guys hit on him, fairly regularly. It hadn’t been an issue for a while now.

Except he guesses Dennis didn’t know about this? Like that could be the only reason why Dennis looked like his eyeballs were about to fall out of his head when this guy at the bar starting making the moves on Mac. He was totally shredded too, completely Mac’s type. So he also guesses it was a shock to Dennis when Mac confidently flirted back and served this man a drink on the house. Shock might not be the right word, Mac didn’t know. What he did know was he turned back to the till after checking the guy out when he headed back to his friends, he turned back to see Dennis go a dark shade of purple. Mac went to ask if he was ok but thought better of it when a vein popped on Dennis’s forehead, Mac wasn’t about to be scratched again. Dennis looked like he was about to say something, but then in an unusual display of restraint he walked backwards away from Mac before turning around and storming out of the bar.

After the bar closed for the night Mac headed back to their apartment, Dennis wasn’t there, weird. Mac had a gut feeling that things were going to turn out pretty badly, probably for him knowing Dennis. However it was three in the morning so he ignored that feeling and went to bed.

* * *

Mac was woken up by a loud thump at the door, which was followed by several loud bangs and glass shattering. Mac got out of bed and walked over to his bedroom door to see what the hell was going on. He shouldn’t have bothered, Dennis was bringing the fight to him. He kicked Mac’s door open, although that was a bad idea as he lost his balance and had to grip to Mac’s door frame to steady himself. Mac looked at this sad state in front of him.

“Jesus Christ, dude.” Mac said.

“No don’t you go back to him, asshole.” Dennis slurred out. Well great, he’s drunk.

“Good lord, you look awful.” Mac said, and it was true, Dennis was white girl drunk, like mascara smudged all over his face, hair looking like a cow had licked it white girl drunk.  

“Fuck you,” Dennis snapped.

“You need to go to bed, bro,” Mac said as he started to move Dennis back to his room. He said this less out of concern and more because he just noticed his clock said it was five in the morning, which was just not right. Dennis didn’t budge an inch though.

“No you listen here, _bro_.” Dennis said, it sounded less intimidating that Dennis would have probably liked. If anything he sounded like he was about to cry.

“Dennis, come on.”

“No, no, shut up. Shut up, you don’t get to, no. You fucking gay now?” Dennis said accusingly. Mac was taken aback by this, he wasn’t quite ready for this conversation yet, and definitely not like this.

“Dude!”

“Answer the question.” Dennis wasn’t fucking around here.

“Well… guys like me, I guess.” Mac mumbled. Dennis stared at him, obviously not a good enough answer. “And I guess I like that they like me, I guess.”

“You guess.” Dennis said coldly.

“Yeah.” Mac felt very small all of a sudden. “But like it’s not like I do anything it’s not gay if I don’t do anything-“

“You’re gay now. And you don’t think I wanna know? And you want to be gay with Douchey McFloppyfringe who’s only using you for free drinks which like that’s so wrong.” Dennis said as though he had any right to be morally superior.

“What?” Mac didn’t know how to respond to this.

“And like what’s so great about him? You’re flirting. _Flirting_.” Dennis shouted.

“So?” Mac frowned, he didn’t see what the point of this was, but then again Dennis was wasted and it was five in the morning.

“You don’t flirt. I know you don’t flirt.”

“I flirt all the time, dude.” Mac said as though it was nothing, which it was.

“You what?” Dennis looked taken aback.

“Guys hit on me all the time, I hit on them back, so what?” Mac shrugged.

“So… what?” Dennis looked like a broken man.

“Look dude, you really need to go to bed, you’re going to hate yourself in the morning.” Mac attempted yet again to get Dennis out of his room, it just wasn’t happening.

“What’s wrong with _me_?” Dennis looked really vulnerable right now, it was a little unnerving.

“Dude calm down, it’s not a big deal.” Mac was so over this conversation, if Dennis wanted to have a breakdown he could do it at a godly hour.

“Why them, huh? What’s so great about them?” Dennis asked getting in Mac’s face. This was ridiculous, Mac doesn’t even know what Dennis is talking about at this point.

“I don’t know, dude.” Mac groaned

“Why not me?” Dennis said. And suddenly Mac was wide awake and invested in this conversation, what the fuck?

“What?” Mac spluttered out. Where was this coming from?

“Why not me? Like we’re dynamically perfect for each other, and you’re never going to do any better. Obviously you were going to end up with me.” Dennis said as though he was rattling off proven facts. This was the absolute worst seduction Mac has ever experienced. “So why aren’t you gay for me?” Dennis’s voice broke a little as he said that.

“Jesus Christ, Dennis, you’re so drunk.” Mac said avoiding this outburst. Because if he was being honest, yeah he was a little gay for Dennis, no, he was a lot gay for Dennis. But he didn’t… Dennis wasn’t supposed to be gay back that wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

“Don’t… don’t not answer me,” Dennis murmured. So very unnerving.

“I mean, yeah I’m a bit gay for you.” Mac said awkwardly. “But, you-“

Mac was cut off as Dennis kissed him. It was a very sloppy and slobbery kiss, one that was not up to Dennis’s usual standards. But Mac would be lying if he said it didn’t still feel pretty awesome. It was still Dennis he was kissing, white girl drunk Dennis is still Dennis, a weird overemotional Dennis, but still Dennis. Suddenly Dennis pulled away, and he grinned a grin that was far more in line with the Dennis he knew. And he knew what that grin meant too.

“No. No, absolutely not. You are so so wasted right now, it wouldn’t even be any good.” Mac protested and wiped the drool off his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Now we both know that’s not true.” Dennis continued to grin. Good lord, does he ever stop?

“Jesus Christ, you know what? I’m done, whatever. I’m going to bed now, have fun with your little gay freakout or whatever.” Mac threw his hands up in the air and turned back towards his bed. Dennis grabbed at the back of Mac’s shirt.

“No wait, I’m sorry.” Dennis said panicked.

“Who are you?” Mac joked as he looked back around at Dennis.

“I shouldn’t have done, you’re different, you’re Mac.” Dennis said, Mac was sure there was a meaning to what he was saying, though Mac sure as hell didn’t know what it was. He misses sober Dennis, sober Dennis would make a sentence filled with words Mac could only guess at and they would go about their day.

“Um-“

“It’s just, fuck, dude, I love you so much.” Dennis said, Mac nearly fell over backwards. “No I do, and like emotions aren’t my thing but I do. I mean you’re my blood brother, but like not, because I want us to bang.”

“Oh my god.”

“And I had to wait for you to be like properly gay, and then you are, and it’s not for me. That’s not how it was supposed to happen you were meant to be like ‘Dennis you’re so great, fuck god, I wanna fuck you instead.’”

“Are you done?” Mac didn’t even want to know what that was supposed to mean.

“Hey, I’m trying to get in touch with my emotions for you.” Dennis said insulted.

“It’s five in the morning.” Mac said frankly.

“I don’t care.” Dennis said.

“I do, can I please for the love of god go to bed now?” Mac asked. Dennis pouted at him, goddamn it. “Oh my god, fine you can sleep in here.” Dennis smiled at him, _smiled_. If Mac wasn’t so weirded out right now it would have melted his heart. Mac stumbled back to bed, as he laid down Dennis practically collapsed on top of him. He practically passed out the second his head touched the pillow. Except it wasn’t a pillow it was Mac’s chest. Mac couldn’t believe that this was Dennis. He refused to believe that this was Dennis, there was just no way.

* * *

He was woken up by the sounds of Dennis swearing to himself. And he’s back.

“What the fuck?” Dennis sat up and away from Mac.

“Morning Den,” Mac said cheerily.

“Jesus Christ,” Dennis put his head in his hands.

“How’s the hangover?” Mac asked.

“Don’t talk to me.” Dennis retorted. Oh how Mac missed him. A silence fell over them. It was kinda nice actually, after last night.

Dennis was the one to break it.

“Goddamn it, ok, fine! Talk to me.” Dennis snapped.

“About what?” Mac asked.

“What do you mean about what? Last night!” Dennis said. Oh god.

“What about it? Do you remember it at all?” Mac asked cautiously, please say no, please say no.

“Yeah,” Dennis said, he didn’t sound too thrilled about that.

“I think you might have more to say than me.” Mac said, Dennis glared at him before sighing.

“Don’t make me do this, man.”

 “Come on.” Mac was enjoying this.

“I meant it, last night.” Dennis said through gritted teeth.

“Meant what?” Mac said, this was fun.

“All of it.” Dennis said slowly.

“Which part of all of it though?” Mac grinned.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Dennis said haughtily.

“The part where you said you lo-“

“Don’t say it.” Dennis interrupted. Mac broke out into a grin, Dennis glanced over at him. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“You know though, you’re not very good at kissing, you’re pretty terrible actually. I don’t know how you’ve managed to get so many chicks to sleep with you.” Mac said knowing full well how this will end.

“Excuse me? You should be grateful I even allowed you near me. And what makes you think it was me who was terrible? Do you think kissing you is such a fucking picnic? No, it’s awful you were all tongue and your stubble was all over me. You’re a goddamn failure.” Dennis started to go in on Mac, Mac missed this Dennis.

“At least I don’t drool.” Mac smirked. Dennis looked like he had been fatally wounded, that quickly changed though as Dennis hurled himself towards Mac.

“Show you drool.” Dennis murmured before he crashed their lips together. Mac would never say this to Dennis, but as amazing as this was, he still drooled a little.  


End file.
